Enough With The Stupid Vampires
by Goateeman
Summary: Butters was turned into a REAL vampire, but nobody believes him. He gets tired of people not believing him, so he decides to show them himself. When he regrets what he's done, the new kid in town will be there for him, whether be through the pits of hell itself, school, or the small mountain town of South Park, Colorado.
1. Chapter 1

Enough with the fucking vampires

As night approached over the small little mountain town of South Park Colorado, a little blonde headed boy named Butters was tucked into bed by his mother.

"Goodnight Butters." His long blonde haired mother said, kissing him on the forehead.

"Goodnight mom. Say, we're still going to Bennigan's on Saturday right?"

"Of course sweetie." Butters' mom closed the door, and soon the innocent child fell asleep. Outside the red-brownish house that Butters slept, a mysterious figure stood. The figure was concealed by the darkness of night, and had a purpose. The figure jumped astonishingly to the second story window of the small child's bedroom. It carefully opened the window and slipped inside. Butters woke up and opened his eyes.

"Hello? Is-is someone there? Are you going to rape me?" Butters waited for something to happen, but nothing happened.

"I g-guess it was nothing." Butters laid back down, and slowly fell back asleep. The figure crept out from the corner and stood over Butters. The figure bent over, and bit him on the neck. After the figure had drained Butters of most of his blood, it vanished out the window.

XXXXXXXX

As dawn rose over South Park, Butters awoke feeling...different.

"Aw, my neck hurts." Butters said getting out from his bed. The boy opened his closet and put on a turquoise jacket and dark green pants. The boy then walked into his bathroom and prepared to brush his teeth. He pulled a stool under the sink and stood on it. He looked into the mirror, but he couldn't see his reflection.

"What? Maybe the mirror is broken or something." The naïve child started to brush his teeth. He also noticed his canine teeth were considerably longer and sharper then he remembered. The boy finished brushing and cleaned up. He walked down stairs to the kitchen and sat at the kitchen table. He pored himself a bowl of cereal and took a bite.

"Oh jeez!" Butters grabbed a napkin and wiped his tongue.

"What's wrong Butters? Isn't that your favorite cereal?" His brown haired father asked.

"Yeah, but it tastes awful. Mom, when did you buy this?"

"Only a few days ago." She responded.

"Maybe the milk is bad then." Butters said. He put the bowl in the kitchen sink and grabbed his backed.

"I'm leaving now." Butters announced to his parents.

"Goodbye Butters!" Both parents said. Butters walked outside and was blinded by the sun.

"Oh hamburgers!" He used his backpack as a shield to block the sun. He did this until he reached the bus stop, where Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman stood.

"Uh Butters, why are you hiding behind your backpack?" Stan asked.

"Sorry fellas, the sun's really bright."

"No shit Sherlock." Cartman said.

"Mph muuu mph" Kenny said, his voice being muffled by his jacket.

"Good one Kenny!" Cartman said, laughing.

"I'm no Vampire Kenny I already learned my lesson with those douchebag vampires." Butters said. The bus then arrived, and the five boys got on. Butters went to the back of the bus, and was unusually quiet. The bus arrived at the school and everyone went to class.


	2. Chapter 2

Enough with the fucking vampires ch 2

The fourth grade was now in Mr. Garrison's class. He was blabbering about something completely unrelated to school like comparing the Walking Dead to Game of Thrones to see which one was better. This got most of the boys and girls debating which one was better, except Butters, who just sat in his desk.

"_Oh Jesus, I'm so hungry. I feel so sick, what's wrong with me?" _Butters thought. He looked around and saw the four boys in a heated conversation over The Walking Dead vs Game Of Thrones.

"Na- huh, only stinky good-for-nothing Jews would enjoy castles and incest." Cartman said, trying to anger Kyle.

"The Walking Dead is nothing but a bunch of rednecks in a zombies apocalypse, its so boring, how could you watch that crap?' Kyle returned. Butters couldn't handle all the noise, he needed somewhere quiet. Butters walked up to Mr. Garrison who was sitting at his desk and asked him if he cold go to the bathroom.

"Sure Butters, remember, don't crap in the urinals." Mr. Garrison said. Butters walked out of the class room and into the bathroom next door.

"Okay, lets look at my symptoms real quick." Butters pulled a notebook out of his backpack and wrote down the following: Pale skin, aversion to sunlight, sharp teeth, and the hatred for food. Butters studied these symptoms, until he reached an unnerving conclusion.

"No, no no no no, this can't be. I'm no stinking vampire, not again, no, no!" Butters collapsed into the fetal position and cried silently to himself. About ten minutes later in the classroom, Mr. Garrison noticed Butters hasn't comeback in.

"Eric, go check on Butters will ya', and make sure he isn't stuck in the toilet."

"*Sigh* Fine" Cartman said with annoyance in his voice. He walked out of the classroom and into the bathroom, where he found Butters crying.

"Uh Butters, why are you crying on the floor?" Butters got up, wiped his eyes, and walked over to Cartman.

"Eric, can you keep a secret?" Butters said.

"Oh God are you coming out of the closet Butters? Cartman said, hoping thta he wasn't.

"What? No! This is serious! Come over here." Butters took Cartman over to the sink, where there was a mirror.

"Oh cool dude, how are not in the mirror?" Cartman said in awe.

"Look Eric, I'm...I'm a vampire," Butters said, trying to keep his calm.

"God dammit Butters you're a douchebag twilight vampire poser again, fuck me."

"I'M NOT A FAKE POSER TWILIGHT WANNABE CARTMAN!" Butters yelled.

"Well there's only only one way to know if you're a real vampire, bite someone."

"What?! No, I can't do that!" Butters said with fear.

"Sorry, its the only way we can be sure."

"Well if I'm going to bite someone" Butters said, with an evil smile on his face. "It might as well be you!"

"What?! Why me Butters, after all we've been through! Fuck you, I'm leaving." Cartman was about to leave, when he was stopped it his tracks.  
"What the hell, I can't move!" Cartman yelled. Butters walked up behind Cartman and gave him a speech about how Cartman has always been a horrible friend.

"Look Eric, I've done so much for you. I helped you with the Chinese, I helped you with your Nascar career, I even but balls on my chin for you, and how do you repay me? With insults, and ungratefulness. I think its time you repay me." Butters reviled his fangs, and bit Cartman, draining him of his blood.

"Fuck...you...Butters" Cartman said as he passed out from blood loss. Butters took Cartman and put him in one of the stalls.

"When you awake, thou shalt be my servant! Ha ha ha ha" Butters closed the stall and went back to class. He sat back down, but the bell ringed when he did.

"All right children, recess time." Mr Garrison said.


	3. Chapter 3

Enough with the fucking vampires ch 3

"_Oh no, recess!" _Butters thought. "_I can't be in the sunlight for that long, oh hamburgers!"_ Butters left class and went back into the bathroom, he might as well get rid of Cartman while he had the chance. He opened the stall and saw Cartman sitting on the toilet.

"Greetings master." Cartman said in a monotone voice.

"Uh...hi." Butters was startled, how was he not dead?

"Your word is my command my lord." Butters had a great idea, and another evil smile on his face.

"Alright Cartman, say 'I'm a fat douchebag'"

"I'm a fat douchebag" Cartman said on command. Butters started laughing. He laughed so much the goth kids outside heard it through the wall.

"God that's so annoying, it sounds like its coming from the bathroom." Henrietta said, exhaling from smoking outside.

"*Sigh* I'll deal with it." Pete said. He swiped his red dyed hair to the side and got up. He walked into the school then into the bathroom and confronted Butters.

"Hey douchebag stop laughing or I'll...hey haven't I seen you before?" Butters stood there, frozen in place.

"I asked you a question faggot." Butters twiddled his thumbs and gave an answer.

"Uh, yeah. I was that vampire kid that led to to that hot topic you burned down, speaking of vampires..." Butters pulled Cartman from the stalls and explained himself.

"Sorry for all the laughing, I just got so carried away with my slave over here."

"Slave?" Pete said.

"Yeah watch this. Cartman, punch the wall" Cartman did as Butters commanded and punched the wall.

"No way!" Pete said. "How can you make him do that?"

"Uh... I can't say."

"Why not"

"I...uhh...Fine, but you can't tell anyone, you understand."

"Sure whatever."

"*Sigh* here it goes, I'm a vampire.


	4. Chapter 4

Enough with the fucking vampires ch 4

"Wait, didn't you stop being a vampire after all that chaos." Pete said, confused by Butters.

"I did, but last night, I was bitten by a REAL vampire. So I drank Eric's blood, and-and.." Butters lost his words, he couldn't explain this calmly.

"So he's your like, slave now? Cool."

"IT IS NOT COOL!" Butters yelled. "How am I going to explain this to his friends, or god forbid his mom?"

"Jesus kid calm down. I hate to say this, but the people who might be able to help you are...*sigh* the vampire kids."

"Uh, okay, I'll try them."

"Have fun with your slave." Pete said as he left the bathroom. Butters sighed. He needed to find a way to fix this."

"Alright Eric, go play with your friends. When lunch time comes, report back here."

"Yes master." Cartman left the bathroom and made his way to the playground. Butters sat down on the ground, and thought. He needed a plan.

"Maybe I should leave town. Nah, I still need the help of the vampire kids. Maybe I can get rid of Eric, no, he's too useful, and his friends wouldn't like that, or would they?" Meanwhile on the playground, Stan, Kyle, and Kenny sat, waiting for Cartman.

"God where is he. We only have like, eight minutes left of recess." Stan said, fiddling with soccer ball.

"Mph mmmmph mph." Kenny said.

"No, we can't play without him, the teams would be uneven." Stan said, turning down Kenny's idea.

"Look, here he comes.' Kyle said, pointing to Cartman. "Where have you been fat ass?" Kyle asked.

"No where important, lets play." Cartman said, picking up the soccer ball.

"Dude, does Cartman seem...different to you?" Stan asked Kyle.

"Yeah, but at least he isn't his 'normal' self, which is always good." Kyle said. The two laughed, and got to playing soccer. Back in the bathroom, Butters gave up on planning.

"Screw this, after the vampire kids help me, I figure it out from there." Butters grabbed his backpack, and headed to the gym where the vampire kids hang out.

**Author's Note - Hey guys, hope you're enjoying the story so far. Unfortunately, i won't be able to update for a few days. I have to go out of state for a few days. Regular upload schedule should be back to normal on Friday. I'm sorry for any inconvenience - Goateeman. **


	5. Chapter 5

Enough with the fucking vampires ch 5

**Author's Note - I'm back from one of the worst field trips ever, just so you know. To make up for the lack up updates, this chapter will be longer than the rest of the other chapters. I'm so glad to be back home. BTW, that guy in my profile picture will become important later. Enjoy- Goateeman.**

Butters walked to the gym, base to the vampire kids. He entered through the back door to spy on the posers. They were talking about some meet up at the community center.

"Alright, the meet up will be on Sunday, does any one disagree per-say?" The leader Mike Makoswki said.

"Yeah, I have church." A girl with red-orange dyed hair said.

"Okay, maybe Saturday?"

"Yeah, yeah that can work." The girl responded.

"So its settled." Butters shrugged. How could a girl claiming to be an unholy monster go to church? Butters took a deep breath and revealed himself to the clique. The group responded by literally hissing at Butters,

"What do you want traitor?!" Mike yelled.

"Look, I'm sorry for helping burn down the hot topic, but I really need your help." Butters said, twiddling his thumbs once more.

"Why should we help _YOU_? A boy with silver spiked hair asked. Butters responded by grabbing Mike by the throat, and slamming him to the ground. Butters held him down and showed mike his fangs.

"Unlike you hypocritical pussy-wipes, I'm a real vampire." Butters said "You better help me, of else your bloodless bodies will end up at the bottom of Stark's Pond."

"O...kay, We...ll help you...Master" Butters let go of Mike, and allowed him to breath. Wait, why did he call butters master?

"Master?" Butters said, confused.

"You're a _REAL _vampire, that we cant pass up. Something of that power deserves to be worshiped."

"Well I don't want worship, I want to figure out just what the heck I am."

"Of course my lord, take this." Mike handed Butters a book on vampire lore. "It has every kind of vampire ever conceived. This should help you."

"Well its lunch time now, I'm leaving." Butters walked out of the gym.

"I c-c-cant believe it. Listen group, we must prepare a meal to deliver to our new master. Meet me at my house tonight, and we'll go from there." Mike said, dismissing his clique. In the cafeteria, Butters sat next to his usual friends, reading the lore book.

"...and the priest said, so shit!" The boys laughed at Stan's joke.

"Dude, did you make that up or did you see it somewhere?" Kyle asked.

"I made it up on the spot." Stan said.

"Muhh mphh mph." Kenny said, slapping Stan on the back of the head.

"Hey, I did not steal that joke from you!" Stan said, slapping Kenny back. As the boys argued, Butters read the book, intrigued by all the entries.

"_Sanguinarian - _ _The type of vampire that feeds on blood. Although the blood itself is not what gives the vampire its strength. Rather it is the life force contained in the blood."_

"So I must be one of those. What are the effects of being one?" Butters mumbled to himself.

"_Common traits of a Sanguinarian vampire include: Pale skin, aversion to sunlight (Note – the sunlight can be harmful, but it is usually simple discomfort)and intense moments of random hunger for blood."_

"I should be wary of those hunger moments" Butters mumbled.

"_The most common abilities of a Sanguinarian vampire are: Increased strength, speed, and endurance. Teleportation, and the ability to make thralls(Slaves.)"_

"Wow" Butters said in awe.

"So where the hell is Cartman?" Kyle asked. Shit. Butters forgot about Cartman. He got up from his seat and ran to the bathroom.

"Where's he going in such a hurry?" Stan asked.

"Mph muuuph mph."

" Maybe your right Kenny. I know our school has shitty food since Chef left, but Jesus." Stan said. In the bathroom, Butters saw Cartman standing in front of a urinal.

"Eric, go and eat with your friends. Then, go do any else you want. I don't need you as servant right now. But if I need you, I'll call you."

"As you wish master." Cartman left. After school was over, Butters walked to his house. He walked in and was greeted by his father, who had an angry face.

"Uh h-hi dad" Butters said, knowing he was going to be yelled at.

"Butters, why did I find this in the trash?!" Butters' dad was holding a half empty box of cereal.

"I-I don't like t-that kind anymore." Butters explained, hoping he would fall for his lie.

"HE CAN'T HAVE YOU WASTING OUR MONEY BUTTERS. DO I LOOK LIKE I'M MADE OF MONEY?!" Butters' dad exclaimed.

"N-no sir."Butters said weakly.

"You're grounded for one week!" Butters' dad yelled "Now go to your room." Butters walked up the stairs and into his room. He locked his door and laid on his bed, sobbing quietly into his pillow.

"W-why don't they ever s-show that they l-love me.' Butters cried.

"All they ever do is ground and yell at me. And what did I do, nothing! That's it, I'm leaving here for good. Butters got up from his bed and sat at his desk. He took as sheet a paper and wrote a goodbye letter.

"_Dear Mom and Dad, I'm leaving, for good. I've realized that I have not lived up to your standards and apologize for not being the perfect child. Don't try to look for me, its not like you will anyway. Goodbye – Butters."_

"Butters grabbed his backpack and opened his window, He jumped from it and stuck a perfect landing.

"G-goodbye parents." Butters said as he walked away from his house and into the sunset. 


	6. Chapter 6

Enough with the fucking vampires ch 6

Meanwhile as Butters ran away from home, the vampire kids planned to please their master at Mike's house.

"So, who should we sacrifice to him?" One of the vampire kids said.

"Hmm, maybe some who's scared of vampires, that would be funny per-say" Mike said, looking through a year book of children from school, trying to pick a victim .

"Wait, maybe we should sacrifice someone who has wronged our master." The girl with orange-red dyed hair said.

"Do you know of anyone who has wronged him?" Mike asked.

"Well, I've overheard how his parents constantly punish him for no good reason."  
"How did you come across this information per-say?"

"In gym class, I hear him talk to himself about it."

"Well I'm sure he wouldn't mind getting revenge on them then." Mike said with confidence. "Find out where they live, and bring duct tape, rope, and a van." Mike said, writing these things on a white board.

"How the heck are we supposed to get a van?" A boy with silver hair said.

"Hmm, got it!" Mike said snapping his fingers "I got it this idea from a video game. We call an exterminator, get rid of him, and take the van." Mike wrote his plan on the white board.

"Lets get to work people, this is going to be fun, per-say." As the vampire kids prepared, Butters sat at Stark's Pond, watching the sun go down. He sat on a small pier, looking down at the water, still no reflection. Butters pondered his life so far, how he's been treated, how he's been beaten down by everyone that has come across him. These thoughts made Butters sad, he started to cry.

"W-w-why is my l-l-life so h-h-horrible?" Butters chocked. He laid down on the pier, sobbing his baby blue eyes out.

"You okay kid?" An unfamiliar voice said.

"W-who's t-there?" Butters whimpered. Behind him was a kid, around his age, with shaven hair, a dark gray jacket, and black pants. Butters turned around to see the mysterious boy.

"N-n-nothing you need you worry a-a-bout fella." Butters said, wiping his eyes. The mysterious kid handed him some tissues and sat next to him.

"Thanks, say, who are you?" Butters asked, blowing his nose.

"My name's Drake. I just moved here today, and was checking out this pond."

"Nice to meet ya' Drake, but I need to get going." Butters said, getting up.

"You going home?" Drake asked.

"No, I..." Butters stopped. "I'm kinda...running away from home." Butters said, looking at the docile pond.

"Why, did something bad happen?" Drake said, putting a hand on Butters' shoulder.

"I just don't want to hurt anyone anymore." Butters said, sitting back down on the side of the pond.

"What did you do?" Drake asked "It can't as bad as your making it out to be."

"*Sigh* Promise not to tell anyone?" Butters asked.

"Sure" Butters revealed his fangs, and his eyes turned from baby blue to crimson red.

"I'm a vampire. I need to leave town, I already hurt someone, I don't want to do it again." A tear left Butters' eye. It took Drake a second to process this stunning information.

"Wow, that's cool" Drake said, that being the only response he could muster.

"NO!" Butters yelled "ITS NOT COOL!" Butters collapsed to the ground. Drake sat next to him, trying to comfort the stranger-turned-friend.

"Listen D-d-drake. Nobody in t-t-this town likes me. Not even m-m-my own parents. I'm doing these people a favor by leaving."

"Look Butters, how about I take you to my house. Some stuff still isn't there, but we have the essentials. You should think about this before you leave."

"O-okay Drake. But let me ask you this, Why are y-you being so nice to me?" Butters asked as the two made their way to Drake's house.

"Well if you saw some kid crying by himself in the middle of nowhere, wouldn't you try to make him feel better?" Drake asked rhetorically.

"Yeah, I guess I would." Butters said as the two walked up to Drake's Dark blue house.

**Author's Note – Yep, that's the guy in my profile picture. What will happen next? Find out in the next chapter. - Goateeman **


	7. Chapter 7

Enough with the fucking vampires ch 7

Drake and Butters walked up to the small dark blue house and knocked on the door. The two waited a second and was greeted by Drake's older sister Kristina.

"Hey Kris." Drake said.

"Hey Drake, who's this?" Kristina asked.

"My new friend, Butters."

"Butters?" Kristina said "How cute." The two walked into the house and sat on the couch. As they sat, a voice was heard from the kitchen.

"Drake, is that you?" A male voice asked.

"Yeah dad." A tall man with spiked jet black hair peeked around the corner.

"Who's this?" Drake's dad asked.

"This is Butters, my new friend."

"Okay." His dad said "You want to stay for dinner Butters?" Drake's dad asked.

"Sure, but I'm not hungry sir."

"Fine by me, we can still use the company." Drake's dad said, returning to the kitchen. Kristina sat on the couch with the two boys and sighed.

"I wish he had our TV dammit." She whined.

"It'll be here tomorrow, stop complaining." Drake said.

"You're an ass you know that?" Kristina asked rhetorically.

"Be careful Butters, the female menstrual cycle is a scary thing." The two boys laughed, and Kristina burst out of the room.

"It must be nice having a sister." Butters said, looking at the ground.

"Well, sure it is. You an only child?" Drake asked.

"...yeah..." Butters said sadly. "It stinks. The only company I have are my parents who ground me literally every week for the stupidest things. Sometimes family members come over, but they either abuse me or rape me." Drake just sat there, shocked. How could this kid say 'I get raped by my family members' like it was nothing?

"AND" Butters added "My so called 'friends' treat me like crap. Either using me as a pawn in their schemes, or ignoring me completely. And now that I'm a stinking vampire, I have to leave town. As much as these people drive me crazy, I can't hurt them." The two sat there in awkward silence until Drake's dad told them it was time for dinner. Everyone sat at the kitchen table, eating spaghetti, except for Butters. Butters looked around the kitchen and saw a family picture. In it, Drake and Kristina were sitting on their parents laps (They were toddlers) Drake's dad held Kristina, and an unknown women held Drake.

"Hey, whose the woman in the picture?" Butters asked.

"That's my wife" Drake's dad said. Butters noticed she was wearing an army uniform. He also noticed she wasn't sitting with them right now.

" _I'm guessing you mom's dead?" _Butters said, communicating to drake with his mind. Drake dropped his fork and just stared at Butters.

" _Did you just speak to me?" _Drake said, also using his mind.

" _Yep, I didn't know I could do that 'till now." _After drake was done eating, he asked his dad if he could show Butters his room'

"Hey dad, is it okay if I show Butters my room?"

"Sure, just wash your plate off first." After Drake cleaned his plate, he escorted Butters to his room. There many boxes placed through out the room. The only thing that's wasn't still packed was his bed, and dresser with a mirror on it.

"Yeah" Drake said, confusing Butters.

"What?" Butters asked.

"My mom, yeah, she's dead." Drake said sadly.

"I'm sorry for bringing it up." Butters said innocently.

"Its okay. Come here a minute." Drake and Butters walked over to the dresser. Drake placed both himself and Butters in front of the mirror. Unsurprisingly, only drake's reflection was shown.

"I heard this town was weird, but I didn't think it was the Find-a-vampire-then-have-him-as-a-friend sort of weird. Butters simply responded by saying:

"Welcome to South Park."


	8. Chapter 8

Enough with the fucking vampires ch 8

Drake went through a few boxes in his room, and came across something he hadn't seen in ages.

"Wow, my old chimpokomon." Drake said, examining his cherished childhood. "I haven't played with these in years, you want to play Butters?"

"Gee, I don't know. Sure, I guess." The two boys rummaged through the large cardboard box, grabbing the dozens of chimpokomon. The boys played for a few minutes, when Drake asked Butters about his parents.

"So, is your mom good?" Drake asked. Butters stopped what he was doing, and thought.

"Well, in retrospective, I guess she was good. She was strict, but had good intentions. I love her, even though she tried to kill me once."

"What?" Drake said, that being the only response he could muster.

"Yeah, but at least she's better than my dad. He grounds me literally every week for the stupidest things. He's also an admitted queer." Drake sat on the ground, fascinated by the little blonde boy's troubles.

"So, you're okay with them treating you like absolute dog shit?"

"Heck no, not anymore anyway. Now that I'm a vampire, I don't rely on them. I was planning on leaving town like I said, but..." Butters blushed "You're the only kid that's ever been this nice to me. I was thinking I could show you around school tomorrow."

"That would be cool, thanks Butters. You might want to get back home before your parents find out you've been gone." Butters said goodbye to Drake and his family and ran home. Thanks to his vampirism, he ran a super speed, reaching his house on the other side of town in a a mere eight seconds. Butters climbed to his room from the backyard and dressed into his Terrance and Philip pajamas. He slipped into bed and turned of his lamp.

"What a day I've had" Butters said to himself "Hopefully tomorrow will be more relaxed." As Butters slept, the vampire kids started operation "Blood Feast." Mike had called an extermination van out to a warehouse on the outskirts of town. The kids waited in the shadows as the exterminator walked into the warehouse.

"Hello? Exterminator!" The man in orange and blue labeled uniform said. He pulled out a flashlight and looked around, and saw something move down the hall.

"What was that?" The exterminator walked down a long, narrow row of warehouse boxes, containing miscellaneous plastic pieces to God knows what. He reached the end of the hall and came across a door cracked open slightly with a piece of paper taped to it. The paper simply said "Sacrifices must be made." The exterminator opened the door and walked into a trashed office, with various pieces of paper thrown all over the floor. The exterminator heard something behind him. He turned around was was swiftly knocked out by one of the vampire kids using a baseball bat.

"Exterminator's done Mike!" The sliver-haired boy said.

"Good, dispose of the body and grab his van keys." The boy did as instructed and looted the body for the keys. The vampire kids left the warehouse and got in the van.

"Good job per-say people. Phase one complete. Tomorrow night, we carry out the kidnapping." The vampire kids drove off, bringing the van over to Mike's house.

(6:00 P.M.)

Butters' alarm clock rings, waking him. As Butters sat up, he noticed someone standing at the end of his bed, Cartman.


	9. Chapter 9

Enough with the fucking vampires ch 9

"Eric?! What the heck are you doing here.?" Butters asked, jumping straight out of bed.

"Mother had the doors locked, with two Latino men in her room." Butters knew what that meant. "So I came here, I needed a place to stay."

"Well you have to go before I'm grounded again. Go and...play with Stan or kyle or something."

"Yes master." Cartman went over to Butters' window and climbed down the pipe next to it to the ground.

"Phew, now that that's over with..." Butters continued to do his normal morning routine, brushing his teeth, changing, etc. Meanwhile, Kyle heard a knock at the door at his house. Still wearing his pajamas, he answered the door.

"...Cartman? What are doing here?" Kyle said, still drowsy from just waking up "School's not for another hour."

"My master requested that I come here." Kyle's eyes widened.

"Your...master?" Kyle asked.

"Yes"

"Who is he?"

"I cannot say, that would put him in danger."

"Hey, stand out here a minute." Kyle closed the door and franticly called Stan on his phone.

"Kyle?" Stan said over the phone "Why are you calling so early?"

"Dude, forget going to school today. We need to find out whats wrong with Cartman, now! I thought him not insulting me was great but...fuck, I _NEED _to hate Cartman dammit."

"What does that mean?" Stan asked.

"I don't know, just call Kenny and tell him to meet us at Tweek Bros Coffeehouse, they just installed free wifi."

"Alright dude, if you insist." Stan phoned Kenny and told him the plan. Kyle got dressed, grabbed his new laptop he had gotten for his birthday, grabbed Cartman also, and headed out. The boys arrived at the coffeehouse house and Kyle discussed his plan.

"Alright, first we need to type in Cartman's symptoms. Lets see..." Kyle typed into WebMD Cartman's symptoms, such as paleness, a monotone voice, and a complete personality change. Kyle entered it, but came up with no real results.

"Hepatitis C? No, that can't be right." Kyle said, going back to the results page.

"Look at that vampire website." Stan said, pointing to a Google search result. Kyle opened the page and read it.

" _Have you came across a person with the following symptoms: Paleness, inability to speak without being spoken to, or a monotone voice? If so, you have run across a vampire's thrall, or servant."_

"Dude," Kyle said, speechless. "Check for a bite on his neck.\

"I'd rather did through a pile of dog shit then Cartman's sweaty double-chin." Stan said in protest.

"Dude, just do it." Stan reluctantly gave in, and searched through Cartman's neck, and sure enough, found a bite mark. Kyle and Kenny observed it, studied it, and panicked.

"Oh shit dude, there's a vampire in South Park!" Stan yelled with fear.

"MPH MPHHHH MPH!" Kenny screamed.

"Kenny's right dude, he need to leave town!" Stan said ,walking to the door.

"Wait!" Kyle yelled "Don't you realize that our friends, or family are in terrible danger? We need to find this vampire, and destroy it!" Stan thought for a moment, and soon agreed to help Kyle. Kenny, however, ran out of the coffeehouse like a pussy.

"*sigh* I guess its up to the two of us then." Kyle said, leaving the coffeehouse, while Stan dragged Cartman with him.

"Cartman, if you take us to your 'leader' we promise not to hurt him." Kyle said, hoping Cartman would agree.

"Fine, but if my master is harmed, then ye shall feel the wrath of a thousand hells upon thee and thy friends."

"Um...okay." Kyle said as Cartman led the boys to his master, at school.


	10. Chapter 10

Enough with the fucking vampires chapter 10

(This chapter takes during chapter 9)

After Cartman left Butters' room, Butters continued with his morning routine. When he was taking his clothes out from his closet, he came across a black hoodie from when he has a vampire kid.

"Huh, this might come in handy." Knowing his parents would strongly disapprove, Butters shoved the hoodie in his backpack. Butters was about to leave when his father stopped him,

"Aren't you going to eat breakfast?" Butters's dad asked.

"N-no sir. I w-was planning just to eat at the s-s-school." Butters stuttered.

"Well okay, now get out of here." Butters walked out his house and went for the bus stop. Once he was there, he put on the black hoodie. Instantly, the hoodie helped with blocking out the sun. Now Butters was able to live life a little more normally. As he waited, he was greeted by Drake.

"Nervous?" Butters asked.

"Kinda, I keep hearing rumors that the kids at the school are complete physios." Drake said, scratching his head anxiously.

"Well I'm here to say that, that is absolutely true. One of the kids killed another kid's parents and turned them into chili."

"Well with a town home to vampires, abusive parents, and God knows what else, I wouldn't be surprised." The boy stood there for a good five minutes with out talking, until Butters noticed the boys weren't at the bust stop.

"Hmm, the boys aren't here." Butters observed.

"What other boys?"

"The main group I call my so called 'friends.' There's four of them: Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Eric, but everyone else calls him by his last name Cartman."

"Are they an okay group.?"

"Well if think shitting in urinals, extreme racism, and poverty are 'okay' then yeah, they're super okay." Drake got the feeling that these boys were trouble, so he made a mental note to stay away from them. The bus arrived and the two boys got on. As they took their seats, some of the girls noticed Drake.

"Wow, he's kinda cute." Wendy said.

"What? Don't you like Stan?" Bebe asked, shocked that a person like Wendy would thing another boy other Stan Marsh was interesting.

"I'm just saying he's cute, I'm not saying I would blow him or anything." A short bus ride later, the children arrived at the school.

"Well, here goes nothing." Drake said as he opened the door to the school. He followed Butters into Mr. Garrison's class and took their seats. As the bell rang, Mr. Garrison made an announcement.

"Alright class, today we have a new student joining us today, say hello to Drake." Everyone looked at Drake, and said nothing.

" _Yeah, most of the kids here don't give a shit about anything here." _Butters said to Drake, using his mind. Class began and soon Drake fell asleep in class. When class ended, Butters woke him up.

"Wake up sleepy-head." Butters said, tapping Drake on the shoulder.

"...huh...what? Oh shit, what time is it?"

"Recess." Butters responded. Drake followed Butters to the playground. Once there, him and Butters threw around a football.

"Go long!" Butters yelled. Drake pushed back as far as he could, and witnessed Butters throw the football out of the playground, and into town.

"Wow, who in SAM-blue-hell did you do that?" Drake asked.

"One of the perks of being a vampire." As recess started to end, the two boys were confronted with Stan, Kyle, and Cartman.

"Oh, h-h-hey fellas, what's up?" Butters asked, trying not to panic.

"Butters, we need to talk." Kyle said. "And who the hell is this kid?" Drake didn't like how this was going.

"Look, what do guys want?" Drake asked.

"All we ask is to talk to Butters, this doesn't involve you new kid."

" _Go to the dumpsters. There's window that leads to the bathroom there. Go and watch from there just in case anything goes wrong." _Butters intercommunicated to Drake. Drake did as he said and stood at the window. Soon, the boys were inside, talking."

"Look Butters, you need to fix Cartman, now." Kyle demanded.

"Why? So he can keep calling you a dirty Jew? So he can keep being a menace to South Park? No, Eric is better this way."

"Looks we have no choice." Kyle said, as Stan grabbed Butters and held him to the ground.

"The only way to cure a vampire slave, is to kill his vampire master." Kyle said, pulling a giant steak out of his backpack.

"DIE SCUM!" Kyle yelled.


	11. Chapter 11

Enough with the fucking vampires ch 11

Drake watched in horror as Kyle launched the steak strait into Butters. Butters yelled in agony as the steak was a mere inch away from his heart.

"Please...stop...Kyle." Butters pleaded. "If you...stop...I'll fix Cartman...dammit." Kyle pulled the steak out of him, and Stan dropped Butters. Drake couldn't take this, he forced open the window and climbed inside.

"Goddamnit, we told you to stay away new kid." Kyle said. Drake picked up the steak on the floor, and turned it on himself.

"Drake...what are you...doing?" Butters asked, chocking on his own blood."

"Butters, I was the one who bit you. I'm also a vampire. Now that you and me have become friends, I cant stand to see the chaos being a vampire has caused you. If I die now,you'll turn back to normal, and so will fatass over there." Drake deep a deep breath, and stabbed himself.

"Goodbye...Butters." Drake slowly went limp, and died. His body soon turned to ash, and flew away with the breeze from outside. As soon as that happened, Butters' wound had healed, his fangs disappeared, and Cartman was broken free of the thrall spell.

"What, where the hell am I?" Cartman said, looking around.

"Its not important, what is important is that everything is back to normal." Kyle said, helping Butters up.

"Well, it sure would have been cool to be a vampire again." Butters said.

"No, no it wouldn't, vampires are fucking gay. Seriously, enough with the fucking vampires." Cartman said, as all the boys left the bathroom, living life as usual.

**That's the end everybody. ** **I hope you enjoyed, and yes, I know the story sucks, no need to point that out. I'll start a hopefully better story tomorrow (April 18) Thank you for putting up with mu incredibly shitty story. - Goateeman **


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